Your primary disposition towards courtship should not be to do trial and error. But to build a relationship that will lead to marriage, you shouldn’t stay only with the mindset that it’s better to break up in courtship than to divorce in marriage, but rather have this mindset that it is better to be in courtship and it leads to marriage than be in the wrong courtship and breakup.
A wrong courtship that leads to a breakup can be avoided because it causes emotional damage. Such people go into subsequent relationships with so much anxiety and insecurity. Some lose the capacity to give or receive love in the process.
This is why it is advised that you stay away from courtship or dating until you are mature. Maturity is the ability to make the correct decisions for yourself. It involves the maturity of your physical, mental, and spiritual faculties. I often advise people to focus on all-round growth and let romantic relationships come on their own accord. When you are ready, God will lead you to the right person. You will also be able to discern the right person and make a godly choice. Remember that God first brought animals to Adam to name them, which he did correctly. He was able to identify that those animals were not the helpmeet. But when God brought Eve to him, he immediately recognized her as the helpmeet and received her as His wife, likewise Eve. So Adam’s ability to make life’s choices was first tested in little things before he made the marital choice.
Maturity is not all about age; of course, you should be of legal adult age before you start considering courtship because, in your teenage years, you have other priorities like studies, character building, and choosing career goals. It is usually advisable to be patiently trained mentally, character-wise, and spiritually. By spiritually, I mean train yourself to hear God correctly and yield more to the Spirit’s desires instead of your fleshly desires. By character-wise, I mean cultivating Godly characters like patience, loyalty, and self-control. This will save you from experiencing unnecessary heartbreak.
Before you consider breaking up in your relationship, may I ask, are you in God’s will? Because we must understand that God is not the author of confusion and He sees the end from the beginning, He won’t lead you into a relationship that will ruin you in the long run.
God’s will promotes purity.
2Cor6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. What do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Unbelievers in this context refer to idol worshippers, but we can also extend it to refer to people who are not born again, that is, those who do not believe in the Lordship of Jesus. You should not date such people because they are children of the devil and can be used by the devil to derail and hurt you.
Feel free to end a relationship with an unrepentant sinner. Feel free to end a relationship that is corrupted by sexual perversion. Feel free to end a relationship with an unrepentant fornicator. What has light got to do with darkness?
God’s will promotes peace, not toxicity.
Feel free to end your relationship with an unrepentantly physically assaulting partner. If they can slap you in courtship, they can break your head in marriage. Feel free to end your courtship with an unrepentant, rebellious lady who keeps draining your peace and mental sanity. Notice I’m using the word unrepentant because you need to know when to be patient and when to leave. Conflicts occur in relationships, but they are to strengthen your bond through mutual understanding of each other’s desires and not result in verbal and physical abuse.
God’s will promotes medical compatibility.
In this matter, don’t make the mistake of putting love over your common sense. If your blood groups are not compatible, flee! If they have a terminal disease and you know your faith is not strong enough to go through life with them until they probably get healed, please flee! Don’t set you and your unborn children up for a life of pain and anguish.
Now, all these things I am saying are subjective to specific scenarios. Did you notice I didn’t say you should break up with someone because they are financially disadvantaged! Ladies, don’t break up with a guy because he is poor! That he is poor today doesn’t mean he will never be rich tomorrow. What you should look out for is if he has a vision and is working towards fulfilling that vision. What is his plan for himself and his family in the future, and is he taking active steps towards achieving that goal? And guys, you too shouldn’t be poor! Amen? Yes, ladies, you too can be rich!
Poverty starts with your mindset, not your bank account statement! Do you think and talk like a rich person? Can you communicate your goals and what you are doing towards achieving them to your lady? How do you manage your finances? Are you industrious with your money? These are salient issues that must be addressed before and during courtship. There is so much to talk about, but I feel like some of you have questions and issues that you might want to talk about. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need counseling via victor.ojo@charisfolks.org.
Now to the question: How can I correctly break up with my partner as a Christian? Now that you have decided your current relationship is not God’s will, you must approach it wisely. I would recommend that you involve the counsel of an elder like your pastor or disciple to guide you appropriately, but you can also use some of the tips I will be sharing with us.
As a guy, you should act like Joseph, Mary’s husband. Joseph decided to put Mary away secretly, and he thought about it very well, to the point that God had to give him clarity. I want to believe that Joseph also prayed about that decision. You have no right to break up with her in a disgraceful manner. I’ve seen some guys publicly collect the gift they gave their baby when they were breaking up. Some break up with each other when they are proposing in front of a crowd. I usually find that one funny because it shows both of you are unserious.
For a lady, please, if you’re breaking up because your relationship is about fornication, only do it over the phone, or when you both meet publicly, you don’t really need to go to his room to break up lest he seduce you again. Also, keep your distance from him; don’t start stalking each other online too. Stalking your ex is not healthy for your mental health. Also, let all the confidential details they shared with you stay with you; don’t start gossiping about them.
Lastly, don’t develop an attitude of breaking up and changing relationships like handbags; don’t also engage in open relationships. That is a relationship where you’re dating but open to mingle. Make your choice according to God’s will and follow it through, sirs and madams. This is because people who form the habit of breaking up in a relationship will find it hard to stay through marriage and see to it that it works.
I pray, dear God, that you’ll help us to make you proud! Keep us from the wiles of the devil! Let us not miss it maritally. Oh God, compel our path to align with your will, oh God! In Jesus’ name, we have prayed. Amen.
