Why is kissing a sin in relationships?
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (NKJV)
In the scripture above, we are told that marriage is honorable among ‘all’. What does the writer of Hebrew refer to as ‘all’? He is referring to the traits he is listing in the chapter, which are the true demonstration of brotherly love, because in Hebrews 13:1, he talked about letting brotherly love continue. Brotherly love is from the Greek word ‘Philadelphia’ which also means fraternal affection or brotherly kindness. It’s more like family love, but more specifically, it refers to love between siblings who are of the same womb. Philadelphia combines two words, which are ‘philos’ (meaning beloved) and ‘adelphos (meaning brothers of the same womb). Now see how the Bible instructs us to express this love:
1 Peter 1:22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart,
1 Peter 1:23: having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever,(NKJV)
We are to love one another with a pure heart! Please note that this word is usually used to address fellow believers. The Bible teaches us to have a deeper love for other Christians compared to unbelievers. It is with this love that we’re expected to build marital relationships. This means that you will choose to date someone who is a believer, and you will love this fellow with a pure heart and vice-versa. Meaning there will be no ulterior motives such as sexual pleasure or seeking financial security attached. If you are in a relationship that’s not based on love from a pure heart, you’re most likely in the wrong relationship because one or both of you will exploit each other.
It is based on this brotherly love that we are now told that two people who are practicing brotherly love will keep the bed undefiled both before and after marriage. He says God will judge fornicators (those who engage in sexual sins before marriage) and adulterers (those who engage in sexual sins with other people different from their spouse during marriage).
God is not against you dating as long as you’re with the right person and practicing courtship correctly and not sinfully. In fact, Jesus Christ came through the virgin Mary while she was in courtship with Joseph. God didn’t choose a ‘single and searching’ virgin but an engaged virgin. Later on, during and after Jesus’ conception, we see the wisdom in this selection made by God through the role that Joseph played in preserving the life of the Savior of the world while he was a baby. However, such wouldn’t have been possible if Mary and Joseph had not kept the bed undefiled during their courtship. Therefore, there is a possibility of you throwing away the opportunity to fulfill God’s purpose for your life if you engage in premarital sex. For instance, Mary may have been disqualified from being the mother of the saviour of the world if she had defiled herself premaritally.
Now we must understand that sin is a process. It doesn’t just happen spontaneously. According to the scripture in James 1:14-16 we’re told how sin is birthed by the one being lured away and enticed by their own desires.
James 1:14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.
James 1:15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
James 1:16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.(NKJV)
In other words, sin is first processed subconsciously or consciously in our soul before being given expression in our body. For example, our bodies will sometimes desire sex, especially as youths, but it starts with information we have stored in our minds through what we hear or see, and then it becomes a thought. If such thought is entertained, it gains more ground to find expression in ‘not too grievous’ actions like masturbating and kissing. Because your mind still sees fornication as just a sexual activity, you forget that kissing is also a sexual activity. Kissing is usually the starting point, and the devil will definitely keep luring you down that dark path if you keep feeding your lustful desires.
You risk giving full expression to your lustful desires when you start kissing in your relationships. It is advisable to just wait; waiting till you’re married before kissing and practicing sex is God’s will. The fact that premarital sex is trending doesn’t make it right. Remember, the Bible says that God will judge fornicators and adulterers. However, the truth is that if you both love each other with a pure heart, you will maintain sexual purity in your relationship and marriage.
May God help you to stay pure for His glory, in Jesus name
